The Backroom

Every villain has an origin story. Ours begins in the Back Room. If you know, you know.

The strangest part about this confessional is that even after I explain what the Back Room is, and how it single-handedly haunts around eight million “loyal worshippers” (according to leadership’s own discretion), it still won’t fully register. Because you had to be there to understand the shadows that lived within the temple of God.

So yes, I am a villain now.

That is what you become when you stand up to sexual abuse in a high controlling religion. You become an apostate for saying no. You become the sinner for refusing non-consensual acts at the hands of religious leaders. You become the problem for not allowing them to continue touching you, for daring to set a boundary. Because it is theocratic direction to sit quietly and accept it. It is theocratic direction never to question those taking the lead, regardless of the circumstances.

This was made painfully clear when a Bethel worker screamed at me for reporting my abuse. For pleading for help.

“Just be obedient to theocratic direction. Read a Watchtower article. Pray. Leave it to Jehovah.”

I imagined him wagging his finger through the phone.

Every villain has an origin story. Ours begins in the Back Room.

I say ours because, sadly, my story is not unique.

You can probably guess what took place in that room. But over time, it became more than just a physical space. They even allowed you to choose where and how you would receive your scriptural beating; Bible bashers through and through. If you preferred, they would meet you in a café or in the comfort of your own home. Wherever you chose, the message was the same.

Eventually, the Back Room became symbolic. It no longer needed four walls. It lived in the silence. It lived in the fear. It lived in the memory.

Before I can explain what the Back Room truly is, and how it traumatised so many of us, I first need to explain where I am now, and how I got here.